Super Powers – Facing Fear – Feeling Feelings

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? My first thought is that I want to fly. That would be so cool. But actually, after the initial excitement of it wears off – it’s just another form of transportation  – which is fun but not really spectacular.

Here’s the superpower that would really be helpful – no fear of feeling feelings. What if I had no fear to feel? What if I was able to accept and welcome all of my feelings? What if I had no fear of my emotions overwhelming me – taking residence and never leaving? I work like crazy to not feel bad. I never want to feel bad. I run from uncomfortable emotions. They scare the hell out of me. If I allow them in they might never leave. If I get even an inkling of feeling down, I board the door and pile up furniture around it.  I lock all the windows.

What would it look like if I let these scary monsters – these uncomfortable feelings in?  It seems like a bad idea. It’s like I’m letting an out of control toddler into a room and leaving her unsupervised to destroy the place. There’s got to be some kind of supervision – some kind of strategy.

I realize I do have some tools to handle this. I have my body and my ability to observe body sensation. What if I allowed myself to feel a difficult feeling, and as I experience it, I keep my focus on my body sensations? What if I stay in the role of the observer of my body sensations?

This feels doable. I muster my courage and jump in – letting myself remember a social situation I was in recently where I felt left out and ignored.

As I picture this situation, I start to feel emotional. I’m sitting at the computer now and typing the actual dialogue I’m having with myself. It goes like this:

How does this emotion feel? What are the body sensations?

Tightness in the back of my neck. Constriction in my throat. Constriction in my chest.

Can you stay with these sensations?

Yes.

Just keep noticing them – observing – feeling the actual sensations. How uncomfortable is it?

Actually, it’s not that physically uncomfortable. I’m feeling less of an emotional charge around the sensations. They are simply sensations. The sensations are kind of interesting. It feels a little heavy now in my torso. I feel tired.

Do you feel the need to escape, to run away?

No. This is bearable. It’s not even really that unpleasant. It’s not so scary as it first seemed when I first noticed feeling this way. My first response was dread – and then exhaustion. Immediate exhaustion. But now as I’m staying with these sensations, I no longer feel exhausted. I’m thinking that perhaps the exhaustion came from the initial resistance and tightening of my muscles as I noticed the beginning of these sensations that I didn’t like. It’s a habit to dread uncomfortable feelings. I think I’ll just sit with this now – be with it. Watch it transform.

One thing that keeps coming up is that I feel embarrassed about my thoughts and feelings around this social situation. What if the people I was with actually knew how I was feeling? That thought compounds my discomfort. Is it safe for me to have these feelings? Can I make it safe to feel? Can I hold the space for me to feel what I feel – without judgment? I can avoid the judgment by keeping my focus on sensation. Its just sensation.

The physical sensation isn’t really that bad at all. If I stay with observing my body sensations, I’m confident I can endure these sensations. I’m also confident the sensations will run their course.

Now I’m seeing that I got distracted from feeling these sensations and started thinking about who else could benefit from this technique. How exactly would I teach this and explain it? As soon as I notice this distraction, I bring my attention back to just feeling my body sensations.

Stay right here. Hold the space here. Don’t rush out to solve other’s problems. Stay here with you. Give YOURSELF the loving attention you so badly wanted from others. Stay with you.  Don’t let your thoughts take over and start planning how to help others learn this.

I notice the feelings /sensations are dissipating, becoming less and less intense. It can’t be more than 5 minutes of sensation so far. No need to hurry through this. Follow it to the end. Stay curious. Keep sensing.

The sensation is still slightly there, but I’m finding I’m able to relax and rest in the space of being the observer. It’s like lying in the hammock as I continue to observe what’s happening. Nothing needs to be fixed or changed or managed. I’m just watching and feeling the sensation. The emotional charge of the emotions is gone. Just sensation. Now that’s gone too – along with the fear of fully feeling my feelings.

That’s it? That’s what I was so afraid of? Turns out that wasn’t as difficult as I imagined. The monster wasn’t as big and scary as I thought. I’m feeling kind of powerful all of a sudden – knowing I have an effective strategy for handling difficult feelings. It’s so freeing to be liberated from the fear of feelings. Who needs a cape or the ability to fly when you have the superpower to handle any feeling?

~Sue Hardman-Conklin

Questions To Ponder: 

1. Are you aware that every feeling has an accompanying body sensation?
2. What are the sensations you have in your body when you feel happy?
3. What are the sensations you have in your body when you feel upset?
4. Can you begin to connect your feelings with your body sensations?
5. What happens as you keep your attention on these body sensations?