My latest hobby is to try to sneak up and catch my thoughts. Thought catching isn’t as easy as it sounds. My thoughts are like little kids busy at pretend play, who suddenly get shy as soon as they know they are being observed.  Just the act of observing my thinking changes it.  As a result, I’ve had to employ other strategies – like looking the other way – going about my business – and then stopping to observe and recall the thoughts that I just had a moment ago.

thought catchingThought catching is not for the feint hearted. I have to be willing to face all the thoughts I catch. It can be horrifying. It can be embarrassing. Like the other day when I was washing windows, I caught these thoughts:

“When my sister-in-law, Kate, sees these windows she will be amazed and wonder how I keep them so clean. I have this robot that helps me clean windows, and I’ll tell her about that. But the robot doesn’t do everything – I still have to go over some areas by hand. Still the robot helps a ton. Or does it? Does it just motivate me to wash windows because the robot machine is fun?”

Thinking this once was bad enough – but I noticed that I thought this exact sequence of thoughts repeatedly – like maybe 6 times in the course of my window-washing project. Once I got over the horror of this banal and repetitive thought sequence, I got curious. Where were these thoughts coming from? Why were these thoughts repeating?

The first thing that seemed strange about these thoughts is that Kate lives out of town and has no current plans to visit; so it’s unlikely she’ll even see these clean windows. Secondly, even if she did come to town it’s unlikely she would notice, care about or mention anything about my windows. The next thing I noticed was the degree to which judgment was involved in these thoughts. I was contemplating the approval I’d get from Kate for my work. I realized this is a pattern of thinking. It’s a thought habit. Often when I’m cleaning I have a habit of thinking about someone approving or admiring my work – or disapproving and judging me for letting it get so bad. What’s with all the judgment? It’s all taking place in my head and has no correlation to reality.  To the best of my knowledge no one is judging me.

These repetitive thoughts, unconnected to reality seem to come automatically, without any will on my part. They are like tapes playing over and over in my head.

If you’d asked me a month ago about my thinking I would have fiercely denied that my thoughts are repetitive. It feels like I’m continually thinking about new things, learning, and solving new problems and having new and stimulating conversations with people. But when I really pay close attention to my thoughts I’m stunned by the percentage of repetitive habitual thinking. What’s going on?

thought catchingThe latest neuroscience suggests these habits of thinking are neural pathways or tracks that have been laid down in my brain – many of which come from my early environment and my genetics. Each time I repeat a thought it reinforces the neural pathway – deepening the track. If a thought isn’t repeated, eventually that track disappears. Indeed much of the wiring in my brain has been established and so there is way more repetition going on than I usually care to recognize. But now that I’ve seen this – I can’t unsee it. My brain to a large extent has a mind of it’s own. This is a big blow to my ego and my sense of free will.

But there is a glimmer of hope in moving beyond my habits of thinking. The hope comes with mindfulness. The act of paying attention to my thoughts interrupts things. The more I am able to shine the light of awareness on my thinking, the more I feel able to make choices about my thoughts. I can introduce new patterns of thinking that are helpful and begin repeating them over and over – establishing new neural pathways. Laying down new tracks.

If I have to accept the fact that many (or most) of my thoughts are repetitive and come from habits of thinking, at least let those habits of thinking (and speaking) be positive, loving, kind and appreciative – over and over and over again.

~Sue Hardman-Conklin

Questions To Ponder:

  1. Are you willing to try thought catching?
  2. Do you have any awareness of the repetitive thoughts you have or even the repetitive things you say? Some examples:       I’ve got too much to do                                                                                                                                                                                     I’m so busy                                                                                                                                                                                                             I can’t stand this traffic                                                                                                                                                                                S/He makes me crazy                                                                                                                                                                                          I ‘m exhausted
  3. Would you be willing to identify just one repetitive thought and keep a tally to see how often that thought arises?
  4. If it’s inevitable that you’re going to be playing tapes over and over in your head, what do you want the tapes to say? Some ideas:

Let it be

I am so grateful

I love you

All of humanity is one and I am one with them

May I be at peace

May I feel safe and secure

May I be healed and be a source of healing for others

I am enough

I belong

The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts