There’s a point in each yoga class when I say to my students, “What do you really want? Open your heart to it and imagine that you are receiving it now.” I have no idea what they want; although because it’s a class called “Yoga For Stress Reduction," I imagine they all want to feel peaceful and calm. So I offer that as a suggestion – priming the pump a little. But who knows? Maybe what they’re imagining receiving is a new car, or a promotion at work?
Here’s the super power that would really be helpful - no fear of feeling feelings. What if I had no fear to feel? What if I was able to accept and welcome all of my feelings? What if I had no fear of my emotions overwhelming me – taking residence and never leaving?
It was a hugely social event – and there I was unable to add my voice, unable to tell stories or add my laughter and comments to other’s stories. This was incredibly frustrating for super chatty me.
People pleasing and reluctance to notice what I want and risk asking for it is a learned strategy for avoiding disappointment. When viewed this way I have to bow down to the little kid in me who must have figured this strategy out long ago. It worked brilliantly to avoid major disappointment. But now that I’m older – and have the ability to look at this more deeply – I’m thinking disappointment isn’t so scary anymore. I’m thinking the risk of disappointment is definitely worth the gain of living more fully by noticing and feeling free to express my preferences.
I want to feel good all the time. And when I don’t feel happy – in addition to the unhappy feeling – I’m unhappy about being unhappy! I want to as quickly as possible figure out the problem, change things up, find a solution and get back to happy. This is my habitual way of processing life events. But as I bring a more mindful approach to everyday life it becomes apparent that it’s the resistance to unhappy feelings that’s the real problem. Why so much fear around feeling anything other than happy contentment?
I’m on a kick of exploring the truth. What I’m looking at is my personal truth. I’m trying to be completely open to and honest about what I’m feeling. Does the thought of brutal honesty make you nervous? No worries. I’m not communicating to others exactly what I’m feeling! I’m simply trying to be honest with myself. Not “brutally honest”, but “lovingly honest.”
I couldn’t escape the conclusion that telling and retelling the story was making me feel worse – every time. I had to ask myself – what is the point of retelling the story?
My daughter and I were having a fun conversation exploring ways to approach some challenges. She threw out the question, “What would it look like if that challenge were easy?” I can’t stop thinking about that question.
We hear all the time that aging comes with increasing discomfort. But is it possible that it could be just the opposite? What if, as we age, we get increasingly skilled at transforming discomfort into ease? What if each year brings more ease and contentment?
Find Your Wild I love backpacking. There is something immensely satisfying in traveling with all your belongings carried turtle-like on your back. Each footfall takes me further from civilization and deeper into the wild. Each step leads me back to myself. Worries, concerns, and my to-do list, all fall away; I am a snake shedding its skin, reborn into new life.
