I’m on a kick of exploring the truth. What I’m looking at is my personal truth. I’m trying to be completely open to and honest about what I’m feeling. Does the thought of brutal honesty make you nervous? No worries. I’m not communicating to others exactly what I’m feeling! I’m simply trying to be honest with myself. Not “brutally honest”, but “lovingly honest.”

A Practice of Feeling Our Emotions

This exploration of truth has a twist to it. I’m looking for the truth that’s revealed through body sensations – not labels of my feelings and the stories around what created those feelings.

Here’s an example: I was watching a movie when I noticed I was getting emotional. Although it was tempting to try and figure out why this movie was affecting me so strongly, I turned my attention instead to the sensations in my body. I noticed an achy sensation in my chest. As I kept my attention on my chest I began to notice the ache moving to my back, to a spot between my shoulder blades. I didn’t try to fix this or change it – I simply kept my attention there- alert and watchful of any movement or any changes in sensation. In time the sensations subsided. I felt the muscles in my back and chest releasing.

As I’ve begun this exploration of truth, here’s what I’m realizing. I’m realizing that I have a tendency to emphasize and pursue positive feelings. Along with that, I try to avoid negative feelings. I don’t really want to feel that. I especially don’t want to wallow in it. I have a fear of getting stuck there. Besides – common knowledge seems to suggest that it’s important to stay positive and upbeat. I like being around upbeat people and that’s the kind of energy I want to have and give.

What’s Missing?

TruthIt recently occurred to me that as nice as it is to be upbeat and positive, there’s something subtly wrong – something so subtle brewing under the surface. I was noticing little things – like eating when I wasn’t hungry or longing for some kind of special drink – and yet nothing quite filled me up. What was missing? What was my inner wisdom trying to say?

I sat with this question in meditation – “What’s missing?” The answer that eventually came to me was that I was abandoning a part of myself – my uncomfortable feelings. That’s what was missing.

At first I was confused by this message. It’s not like I’m not aware of uncomfortable feelings. It’s just that I don’t have a lot of patience with them. My mode is to figure out what’s bothering me and why and then move into problem solving mode and fix things. This is my habit.

Being Present to Sensation

I challenged myself to respond differently next time I felt an uncomfortable emotion. What I discovered in this new way of just being with sensation was that it wasn’t really that scary or hard to be present with the discomfort. I discovered that it was enough to simply be present to witness it. I saw that being present to sensation did not increase the discomfort. I didn’t get lost in the sensation. I didn’t wallow in it or get stuck there.

I noticed that being present to physical sensation is very different from being present to the stories about the discomfort and explanations for it. The stories can suck me in, increase my discomfort and cause me to wallow in it and get stuck. Physical sensation doesn’t do this. It’s a huge distinction.

Being present to my body sensations that accompany my emotions doesn’t necessarily lead to immediate relief. But it feels important. It feel rich, authentic, honest – like discovering another layer, a deeper vision that allows for a fuller experience – a sense of wholeness and truth. Ultimately I felt a sense of being full. No need to eat or drink something to fill up what was missing.

~Sue Hardman-Conklin

Questions to Ponder:

  1. Do you ever experience a sense of something missing, but you don’t know what?
  2. Would you be willing to experiment with following your body sensations when you have uncomfortable feelings?
  3. Could you drop the story about what you’re feeling and why and just witness your body sensations?