Being Vulnerable

I struggled with committing to doing this trip. For 9 months I tossed and turned it over, never quite sure it was right for me, but never quite able to release the idea completely. In hindsight I realize my pilgrim soul was urging me forward, but my personality was resisting.

I wasn’t talking to anyone beyond Julie and my immediate family about the possibility of taking on this adventure. My decision felt very private. Telling anyone beyond my inner circle about this made me feel too vulnerable. My hands were full dealing with my own demons and judgments about leaving my family and responsibilities for 5 weeks; so I couldn’t handle what others might say. I also wasn’t sure I could do it physically, and I wanted room to back out if needed – room to save face.

I marvel, Therese, at your bravery in sharing your process of preparing for the Camino. But I just have to ask – Why risk doing this in such a public way?

I initially danced around the question about doing this publicly. It made me uncomfortable. I withdrew from it and adeptly avoided it for several weeks. Sue asked again, a couple of times. The quick, easy answer was to say that it is part of my service to our audience and readers, because anything deeper triggers notes of discomfort. I know myself well enough to know that the wish to avoid always signals that there is something valuable wanting to be revealed.

If I turn my thinking toward what ‘could’ be revealed to me or about me through this process, I quickly go to fear. Doing this in this way means being naked and completely exposed to who I really am and yes, this is terrifying. But the process of being stripped of the protection of persona, illusion, and pretense is the crucible of unfolding the soul. The soul path can’t be followed any other way. The shadow elements of personality, those things that we dance around, hide behind and avoid must be brought into the light for transformation. It is required for true spiritual living.

Soul Bridging’s founder, Michelle, and I talk a lot about our inspiration and wishes for Soul Bridging. She talks about ‘Being the bridge, while building the Bridge’ and I began to really think about what this means, for me personally as well as in my role with SoulBridging. ‘Being a bridge’ is a call to each of us to be a bridge to others. At the same time this requires that we are constantly building the inner bridge to our true self, our soul identity. Being the bridge means being willing to shine a light inward, exposing the hidden fears, worries, and dark thoughts and feelings in order that they can be transformed and brought into the light. For me to do this at all, it must include the fullness of my being and that includes my shadow self of fears, insecurities, and self-criticism.

I want to use this time with the shadow aspects of my personality. I want them on the journey – to walk with me and learn more about who we are together and how they help or hinder me on the way. I have had lots of visits from them over the course of my life. They are not mysterious, they can be uncomfortable, but I recognize them. I don’t know how much I am going to want to share about that part of the journey publicly, but I do know it’s important to the process.