Savoring The Endings
I’ve been remembering the good times of the past year, but also reflecting on the losses and the transitions that seem to be happening all around me. I feel like I’m riding a wave of change. I don’t particularly welcome change.
I’ve been remembering the good times of the past year, but also reflecting on the losses and the transitions that seem to be happening all around me. I feel like I’m riding a wave of change. I don’t particularly welcome change.
Looking for adventure? Willing to take a risk? Here’s the challenge: what’s one of the most common feelings you avoid or resist? Try this exploration of disappointment.
I showed up to this gathering feeling fantastic – and the last thing I wanted was to start feeling sad as the people around me were expressing their grief. No – no – no – I definitely didn’t want to go there. I started looking longingly at the door. Was there any way I could slip away – without being noticed – and just go on my merry way? No chance.
The desire to fix, to help a friend with a problem – it’s a good thing - right? Well . . . sort of . . . sometimes. Actually it depends. What is truly helpful?
I really wanted to move on. But the problem seemed to have a mind of its own and it kept eating at me. Eventually I talked to my wise friend Paula about my dilemma. She said, “Here’s the problem. You can’t solve this with your head. This is a place your mind can’t go.”
I want to feel good all the time. And when I don’t feel happy – in addition to the unhappy feeling – I’m unhappy about being unhappy! I want to as quickly as possible figure out the problem, change things up, find a solution and get back to happy. This is my habitual way of processing life events. But as I bring a more mindful approach to everyday life it becomes apparent that it’s the resistance to unhappy feelings that’s the real problem. Why so much fear around feeling anything other than happy contentment?
My daughter and I were having a fun conversation exploring ways to approach some challenges. She threw out the question, “What would it look like if that challenge were easy?” I can’t stop thinking about that question.
Despite my well-honed problem solving skills, I’ve discovered a whole slew of problems that aren’t really meant to be solved. Instead they seem to be journeys that must be traveled. Often these are journeys of pain and loss. Thankfully there are a few life hacks that seem to lessen the suffering and speed up the process of transformation.
We hear all the time that aging comes with increasing discomfort. But is it possible that it could be just the opposite? What if, as we age, we get increasingly skilled at transforming discomfort into ease? What if each year brings more ease and contentment?
Know that everything is in perfect order whether you understand it or not. Valerie Satterwhite