Defining Success and Failure

It’s scary to think about taking on a challenge and possibly failing. But what happens if we don’t ever try? When you think about it carefully, what actually constitutes failure, or success? Perhaps failure is less about outcome and more about not trying. And maybe success is about finding a way within your limitations.

When each person begins to imagine a journey like the Camino they can’t help but have an idea of what success will look like. Part of the journey is likely to involve an evolution of that image of “success.” It’s in that evolution that there is great learning and transformation.

It was my experience that each person’s journey was a little different. For some their goals revolved around how quickly they could walk the Camino and then get to other places or get home. For others it was the opposite. Success for them meant taking time to savor each day, keeping the miles to a minimum. One man whom I met in Santiago had taken 6 years to walk the Camino, one week of walking each year.

On our first night on the Camino we met a heavyset woman in her mid 60’s who told us that she had to stop and rest every 60 feet on that first day. She talked about how kind people were, keeping her company for stretches at a time, slowing their own pace. Others carried her pack for a bit, giving her a break. I admit that first day was shockingly steep and physically demanding; but still, I wondered how she would be able to continue, with her level of conditioning. She seemed quite determined; despite the fact that her grown sons thought she was crazy for attempting this pilgrimage.

I didn’t see her again . . . until a couple days after Julie and I arrived in Santiago. We were thrilled to see her! She did it somehow! Who knows how she did it. Did she walk every step? Did she take a bus or a taxi for part of it, or most of it? What did it matter how she did it? She stayed with it for over a month. I didn’t get a chance to talk with her, but I have no doubt that she experienced an incredible journey on her own terms – figuring it out each step of the way. In my book that’s a huge success!

There have been many times when fear of failure could have easily derailed my plans to take a big step that resulted in transformation. This is one of those pivot places for me. The value of fear is that it protects us from danger and stupidity. Aside from situations that present real physical danger, fear is usually about being called to operate outside of what is comfortable, safe, and certain. The antidote to fear is to be intimate with it, but that means going right to its very foundation so that emotion can’t paralyze movement. So what is the fear that is presenting here?  It is fear of failure. But, failure specifically based on expectations that are externally imposed, and not from what arises within my own system.

So what would failure mean to me in this situation? Failure is not saying ‘yes’ to pilgrimage as the reflection of spiritual being-ness and the opportunities it provides to be more deeply authentic. Failure would be not to be transformed in some way by the experience. Failure would be to not be fully in the experience and mindful of what I learn about myself in the process.

I keep thinking about the woman that you mentioned meeting on the first day of your trip, Sue. My sense of her fills me with a feeling of sweetness and I wish I could talk with her about her journey. In my imagining I make assumptions about her view of failure which speaks to my values, her virtues, and the process of pilgrimage as an expression of life. Your description of her presents me with “Essential rules to living as a pilgrim” as a template for my own success here.

• Step into it ~ There is no journey if you don’t take the first step. While she was less physically prepared than I would like to be, she just trusted her participation in the journey and took the first step and then next one, and the next. We will get no-where if we don’t take a step, even if we don’t know what will unfold or where the ultimate destination is.
• Rest when you need to ~ Her approach was that she would do what she could. Rest when she needed and not hold judgement of herself based on what anyone else expected of her. What a pearl!
• Accept the kindness of others ~ Just as we are willing to help, support, and serve others, we also need to be able and willing to accept the help and support of others. We all must succeed in the journey in our own way and the kindness of others is essential.
• Allow others to lighten your burden ~ Be willing to accept the help of others when needed. You might not make it otherwise. Those offering help might benefit by their service to you.
• Be willing to share the journey with others ~ Intimacy with others takes us into realms of understanding we don’t develop when living in isolation. It is through our experience with the other we are transformed.
• Plan ~ Plan for the journey as best you can but be willing to be fully present to what unfolds in the moment and adapt when needed.