What I want – what I’ve always wanted – is simple. I just want everyone around me to be happy. That’s all.
This is part of what made walking the Camino so joyful. Julie, my traveling companion, is happy. There’s nothing I need to do to take care of her or to make her happy – she comes that way. And, like me, Julie is also happy when those around her are happy – so we made great companions for each other. The pilgrims we met each day were for the most part happy as well. This was my idea of heaven – being surrounded by happy people – and nothing I needed to do to make them happy. So sweet!
One day on the Camino we met a guy named David who had walked the Camino years ago and decided he never wanted to leave this happy place. So he decided to camp out along the path and make this camp his permanent home. Each day he baked over a campfire and put together refreshments for the pilgrims who passed by. All treats were offered for free. Conversation was joyful. “It’s all about love, man, and being here for each other. We are all one.” “Wow,” I thought, “This guy is really living his truth. Impressive.” I asked him if he was able to stay warm at night with just that fire. He said, “The fire is nice, but a woman is even better!” I laughed, left him a donation for the food and went on my way, delighting in observing how David found a way to make a life for himself surrounded by happy people whom he made even happier with his service of treats. I liked the idea of making others happy, but was pretty sure I couldn’t commit to his kind of lifestyle.
Upon returning home I was no longer surrounded by happy people all the time, so I automatically took on my self appointed job of trying to make others happy. Despite all the energy I put into this task, I wasn’t 100% successful. Go figure. I guess I’ll have to try harder. Next time – if I can just remember everyone’s preferences and read their moods better and be more sensitive to what everyone needs, and give more attention and time to those who need more – well then certainly everyone around me will be happy. And then it will be just like being on the Camino, right?
Ha! No chance. OK – intellectually I get that this is a flawed strategy – one that leads to exhaustion on my part and constant self recrimination as I look for ways to do better. What am I trying to do with all this people pleasing? As a person seeking to walk a spiritual path, isn’t the point all about devoting oneself to the service of others, to the service of humanity? Isn’t it important to do for others and make them happy?
I’m coming to realize that there is a crucial step, frequently not emphasized as part of the spiritual path. While it’s an important skill to be able to attune to other’s needs, just as important is the skill of attuning to what’s happening inside of me. Like many other spiritual truths, there’s a paradox here – to be of service to humanity I have to go within more deeply to hear the voice of my soul. From that place of connection to higher wisdom, I will be able to more fully serve others.
But what does it mean to serve others? Service to humanity isn’t the same as making others happy. It’s not about finding or creating the perfect external environment and pleasing the people in it. Service comes from letting go of control, and responding instead to the inner call of the soul, letting the soul work through me. This makes me a wee bit nervous, since I have a sneaking suspicion that my soul isn’t as interested as I am in making everyone around me happy.
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