What Acceptance is Not
Do find yourself usually resting in a place of acceptance in your life? If you experience frequent feelings of irritation, frustration, or negativity, then probably not. So where does this come from? It happens when we expect that life “ought to be” a certain way. We expect people to behave according to our expectations and for events to unfold as we imagine.
M. Scott Peck’s first sentences in his book, “The Road Less Traveled “says it perfectly for me:
“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
Expectations are a Key
Exploring our expectations is an important first step in nurturing acceptance. So how do begin to become more conscious of expectation? We begin by understanding the trigger. Is it – waiting in line for service, someone at work not meeting expectations, or perhaps it is a profound loss or disappointment in an important relationship? Its typically signaled by irritability, frustration, negativity, or general dis-ease. In extreme circumstances anger or downright hostility might present.
Whatever the experience, there is one thing that we can be certain of is – Life now has our attention. And herein is the gift. It is an opportunity each time to be present to the experience of our own disharmony between expectation and reality.
Lean Into It
Resistance is always a flag for mindfulness. When we encounter it – internal or externally, It is time to stop and take a breath, to identify our expectation, and to “lean into” reality. I like to think of accepting reality as removing boulders from the stream of my life. The boulders of expectations create turbulence in the stream. My emotions can’t be calm when the boulders of expectation are in the way. Boulders also create a lot of noise and disrupt the flow of what I like to think of as the river of life.
Acceptance is translated in Latin as “to find rest in”. It brings about calm and a peaceful mind. When practiced, the energy of reality offers a gift of a new way to experience everyday life. Acceptance presents us with a great opportunity to flow with the river of life. We can be stretched to grow, shift our frequency (find more positive responses) and explore other aspects of our coping mechanisms.
Clues for adopting an attitude of acceptance
- Begin to notice frustration, irritation, negativity, and anger as flags for rejecting reality. Know your flags.
- Pause and breath
- Accept the circumstances with intention
- Don’t judge (see recent mindfulness post on non-judging)
- Don’t ask ‘why?”
- Ask where the stream is. Does the flow include patience, kindness, understanding? The stream will always lead you to a place that is uplifting and expansive.
As we align with reality of the situation – we are slowly transformed. Approach it with open arms and an intention to see the truth. Welcome it!
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